What is wax play and how do you begin?

I personally enjoy mixing a little pain with my pleasure. As a Domme I certainly enjoy inflicting it but I always try it out on myself first so that I know exactly what levels of pain it gives off at different levels of implementation, otherwise I could really hurt someone. One of the few things that I found personal enjoyment in while experimenting with was candle wax play, but only when done right, which I didn’t always do at the beginning. Just like you can cook sugar at the right temperature and turn it into delicious caramel, but just a degree or two over you can turn it bitter and burnt, it’s the same with candle wax play. You have to be extremely mindful of your partner as it can turn from sexy to emergency room very quickly. For those of us with short attention spans I’m going to cover some important points when considering and getting into kink play with wax for everyone curious.

What is wax play?

Wax play is considered impact play, even though there technically is no striking, as it is something that involves impacting the skin with high temperatures. It is a slightly advanced form of play practice in BDSM and so it is smart that you are here educating yourself. It is typically done with massage body candles specifically made for such things or candles made with paraffin or soy to keep from injuring yourself or your partner, although there are still dangers if not done with care. It consists of using the melted wax from the candle to pour from a safe distance (usually around 15”) on to your partner that causes the stimulation of mixing pain with pleasure. Starting from further away at the beginning to test out both the temperature as well as your partners’ pain level tolerance. Some feel the pleasure from the feeling of the wax being poured directly on them, others from the layering effect of pouring layer upon layer with the different textures. Others enjoy it after the wax has dried and it is being peeled off of their skin. It can be erotic or artistic, depending on how you look at it, but it is something to read up on before you go head first in.

Why is this fun?

To some this experience can sound a little crazy, but it really can be something tantalizing to the senses. This play slows things down in the bedroom and focuses on the teasing of your partner as changed in temperature excite our neuroreceptors, which can heighten arousal. Not only does it feel exciting but it looks beautiful and can smell delicious so brings in more than just the sense of touch. Focusing your partners’ senses by using silk blindfolds or restraints can also up the anticipation which shoots off even more chemicals throughout your body to bring the entire scene to new levels without having to go out and take a class or learn a new skill or learn how to wield a weapon like a whip. Think about the different things you can combine with the wax play to mix temperatures or textures that pique your fancy and try them. Wax and ice, wax and massage oil, even wax and a knife-like object to cut or carve into the wax to create a textured effect. The possibilities go on and on.

How to prepare- safety?

It’s important to make sure to have a deep conversation about limits and safe words to make sure if any pain levels get too much the scene can be ended. Once you have that set, choosing the right candle and testing it out to make sure you aren’t allergic or sensitive to whatever candle wax and color dyes they are made up of is next on the important list. Paraffin or soy candles all burn at around 125 degrees F or 52 degrees C which is hot enough to bring a hot sensation without burning the actual skin. Clear your play space of all flammable items including blankets, oils, aerosols, curtains, and have water nearby because there’s nothing worse than a sexy time turned to an emergency call. Speaking of emergencies, having that water nearby with a wet cloth can also help treat any small irritations or burns that may occur from dripping the wax too closely or, if the damage causes anything raised or blistered then making sure you have emergency information on hand is also important. For safety sake, always agree upon where the wax can be used, stay away from the face, hair and genital areas and always protect your eyes as those are areas far too sensitive for wax play.

How to start?

After you’ve gotten your safe word set, your partner comfortable and your space prepared, light your candle and allow for it to burn until the candle wick has reached the wax all the way and it begins to pool the wax in liquid form. From at least 15″ away or more from your partners’ skin drop the first drop of candle wax on to your partner and watch their reaction to gauge how it feels to them. From there you know whether to get further away or to continue on with more wax at that level and in that area. Start with areas such as their back, arms, legs, exploring your partners body while paying strict attention to their reactions. Don’t just pay attention to the words coming out of their mouth but the way their muscles tense, the way their body reacts in totality as that will tell you sometimes more than their words will on how intense things are feeling for them, especially if they enter subspace (read about that in my blog here). As you continue your play, be mindful of the fact that the wax does tend to pool before hardening and will find sensitive crevices so have a wet towel nearby to wipe excess wax off sensitive spots.

Don’t forget aftercare!

Once you’ve completed your play with the wax, it’s not just over. Aftercare is so important especially in this situation. Start by letting all the wax cool until completely hard, using ice if you’d like to speed it up as well as soothe the skin around it. Peel off the wax or use a hard dull edge to scrape it off and then calm the skin underneath with a soothing balm or lotion, which also creates a connection between you and your partner after the impact play. You can make sure there are no areas that need addressing with the first aid kit. Connecting with your partner after impact play is important because of the subspace that can be created for them that doesn’t always have them communicating during play the same way they would during normal every day experiences. Pain tolerance levels go way up, euphoria can kick in to where pain almost doesn’t exist which means checking them after play is important for anything they didn’t express and anything you didn’t notice from their body’s reaction during. To connect emotionally after impact play as well helps the coming down process from such emotional highs during the play, take care of your partner both physically and emotionally.

Go, have fun!

Now that you’ve got the building blocks to have a fun, safe, sexy time with your new intrigue, go a be kinky! If you have any questions you can submit them to me and I’ll address them either directly or you might have a great one that I will bring to the blog to share the answers with everyone so that others can stay safe while having fun too. As always, stay kinky and if you’re looking for some toys to add to your play next time, check out my blog about Top 5 Foreplay Toys.

~Divine Goddess EveB