Earlier this year I had an amazing time going to AVNs, then XBIZ, right into X3. As soon as I got home I hit my bed and I didn’t leave it unless I had an appointment or had to do something for work. My therapist eventually said that it seemed I was in powersave mode, like what your laptop does when not in use. That’s when I realized I had hit burnout. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was doing the bare minimum. I was not myself. That’s when I started the journey I’ve been on to take care of myself and do what I needed to bring myself out of it. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I’ve definitely made giant steps.
What is burnout?
Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. For me it feels like I am constantly dragging myself out of bed and immediately going back to it as soon as whatever I have to do is done. It’s constant brain fog that leaves blogs like this sitting in my drafts getting a few sentences added to it until it’s finally ready to post 3 weeks late. The dread of figuring out how to get yourself ready to go do things you usually enjoy doing with people you love the most.
Why does it happen?
Burnout happens for a variety of reasons that are different for everybody, but they usually come down to a few things. It can be from taking on too much, not having enough support, or not taking care of yourself. Especially in the BDSM world there are so many ways to try to push yourself too far, be it in sessions, getting on cam to make necessary money more hours than your body can withstand, or dealing with more clients than you’re able to. You need support, you need aftercare (see my blog here about the if you don’t know what that is), and you need time for your own recuperation.
How do you deal with it?
Don’t be afraid to accept or admit that you have burnout. It took me two months to figure it out and admit to myself that I was in burnout after I did 18 days on the road straight. Talking to a professional like I did with my therapist and figuring it out is the first step. Then starting to figure out a self care routine that allows you to take care of yourself while still working and enjoying things that you want to do is important. Stress vs burnout is different, so make sure you talk to someone that can truly help you figure out what you’re experiencing so you can deal with it properly. Take care of yourself and set boundaries so that you can recover and not add to the longevity of the burnout period.
Aftermath
The aftermath of burnout can feel very overwhelming, especially if you’re neurodivergent like I am. You’ve fallen behind in work, you feel like you’ve lost some of your edge in the areas of kink that you used to enjoy, and feel almost like you’re starting over. I walk in to my sessions like I haven’t been doing this for over a decade and was a newbie. It’s ok. Start from where you are comfortable. Work from there. Refresh your skills. Don’t go into deep subspace until you are ready. Read up on my blog on subspace here if you need a reminder on that as well. It’ll be like riding a bicycle eventually, but take your time or the burnout will continue. Learn to enjoy it again.
You will enjoy it again!
Things will be ok again! Even if things are different, but you will enjoy the things again. Take care of yourself in whatever way that is conducive to you and your lifestyle. Some people need bubble baths, some people need death metal concerts. Give yourself the time and space to heal and know that healing is not linear. It is so important to take the time and if you need someone to reach out to, find someone that will listen. I recommend professionals first like PineappleSupport that are sex worker and kink BDSM friendly.
As always, don’t be afraid to Talk To Me!
-Divine Goddess EveB
ADHD BDSM 